Crux: A Novel

Tamma Callahan, a bold and irreverent teenager, approaches Dan Redburn in the desert on the first day of their senior year. Both seventeen and longtime friends, they traverse a desolate area filled with discarded items and potential danger, discussing the risks and their lack of proper safety equipment, particularly a bouldering pad.

Dan and Tamma reach the Fingerbang Princess, a challenging boulder problem that requires skill and precision. Despite the difficulty, Dan attempts the climb, showcasing his determination and physical prowess. However, he falls several times, and during one of these falls, Tamma nearly fails to catch him, leading to a tense moment where she fears losing him. This incident sparks a deeper conversation about their bond and the future, with Tamma expressing her fear of losing Dan and the importance of their friendship.

In the dark, Tamma and Dan reflect on their fears and the challenges ahead. Their dialogue reveals the depth of their relationship and the mutual support they provide, setting the stage for the themes of friendship, survival, and the uncertainties of youth that will likely permeate the novel.

Dan and Tamma’s routine continues as they drive through the desert to Dan’s single-story cottage after school each day. At the cottage, Dan interacts with his mother, Alexandra, who rarely leaves her room, reminding him to do his homework and warning him about the dangers outside. Meanwhile, Tamma engages in various mischievous behaviors, such as eating leftover food and watching climbing videos, which highlight her passion and dedication to the sport.

During the first nine weeks of senior year, Dan and Tamma face intense challenges with their climbing, particularly the Fingerbang Princess. Their efforts are marked by frustration and physical pain, with Tamma often reaching a breaking point. Despite the hardships, they maintain a strong bond, supporting each other through the challenges. Tamma's home life is tumultuous, with strained relationships and a sense of resignation to a future she dreads.

As the weather grows colder, the window for night climbing narrows, adding urgency to their pursuit. On a cold November evening, Tamma and Dan discuss their deepest desires, revealing the stark contrasts in their aspirations. Dan wishes for his mother to recover, while Tamma dreams of becoming the best climber in the world, escaping her current circumstances and making a profound impact on the climbing community. Tamma's ambitious goals and vivid imagination paint a picture of her inner drive and the intensity of her desire to succeed.

Beneath the hanging lamp, the Redburns gather for dinner. Alexandra, who rarely leaves her room, joins Lawrence and Dan, discussing Dan's academic progress and college applications. She emphasizes the $13,000 savings set aside for his education and expresses concerns about Tamma's influence, describing her as self-destructive and oppositionally defiant. Alexandra warns Dan against dating Tamma, fearing the impact on his future.

Lawrence continues the conversation, sharing more about Alexandra's past, including her early struggles and her close friendship with Kendra. He explains how Alexandra's dreams were derailed by health issues and financial setbacks, urging Dan to prioritize stability and security over lofty ambitions. Dan listens intently, reflecting on his own pressures and the weight of his parents' expectations, feeling a deep sense of responsibility and a growing anxiety about his future.

Dan's internal monologue reveals his intense focus on his goals and the fear of failure that drives him. He wonders about his own mental health, feeling a growing sense of isolation and despair when alone, which is alleviated only by Tamma's presence. Despite the pressure, Dan remains determined to succeed, hoping that climbing and his relationship with Tamma will provide the grounding he needs to navigate the challenges ahead.

Tamma and Dan attend school, engaging in typical student activities, but their true passion lies in climbing. Cold and crisp, the November air sharpens their focus as Tamma successfully completes the challenging Fingerbang Princess, a feat that showcases her exceptional skill and determination. Dan watches in awe, recognizing her unique climbing style that combines grace and precision, a stark contrast to his own brute strength approach.

However, Tamma's success is short-lived as she faces a daunting section of the climb, a sheer, featureless wall over twenty-five feet above the ground. Terrified and panicking, she considers giving up, but Dan encourages her to push through. In a moment of vulnerability, Tamma jokingly asks Dan to lie about her sexual history at her funeral if she dies, revealing her deep-seated fears and insecurities. Despite Dan's reassurances, Tamma falls, injuring herself and Dan in the process.

In the aftermath, both are shaken, with Tamma lying in the sand, crying, and Dan nursing a gooey eye. They share a moment of mutual support and reflection, acknowledging the challenges they face and the importance of their friendship. Tamma's admiration for the climber Paisley Cuthers highlights her aspirations and the contrast between her bold climbing persona and her personal insecurities.

Tamma returns home after a few days of absence, her face bruised from a recent fall while climbing. Her mother, Kendra, immediately launches into a tirade about Tamma's irresponsibility and disregard for her family. Tamma, defiant and sarcastic, tries to deflect her mother's anger with humor, but the tension between them is palpable.

Kendra, still upset, announces that they are visiting Tamma's sister, Sierra, who has a newborn and needs help. Tamma reluctantly agrees to go, though she resents the trip and her mother's constant criticism. During the car ride, Tamma's brother, Colin, and Hyrum, her mother's boyfriend, sing along to a Nickelback album, further isolating Tamma in her seat.

Upon arriving at Sierra's house, the family is greeted by chaos, with crying babies and a disorganized living space. In the kitchen, Tamma and Sierra have a moment of connection as Tamma holds the newborn, River. Despite the ongoing tension and exhaustion, Tamma feels a profound sense of tenderness and responsibility towards the baby. Sierra, however, remains frustrated with the family's late arrival and the disruption to her routine. The chapter ends with a brief, unexpected moment of understanding between Tamma and Sierra, hinting at a potential shift in their relationship.

Dan is working on his calculus homework when Tamma bursts into his room through the window, her usual energy and recklessness disrupting the quiet. She reveals that her mother, Kendra, is being physically abused by her boyfriend, and Tamma escaped to avoid witnessing it. Tamma pulls out marijuana from under her mother's bed, explaining that her mother and her boyfriend deal drugs, including oxy and flunitrazepam, and possess an AK-47 for protection.

The conversation shifts to Dan's family pressures, particularly his parents' insistence on his attending college. Tamma encourages Dan to defy his parents and join her for a climbing adventure in Canyonlands, painting a vivid picture of the freedom and adventure they could experience. Dan, feeling torn between his responsibilities and his dreams, suggests a benchmark: if they can complete the challenging Fingerbang Princess, they will prove their commitment to climbing and their readiness for such an adventure.

Tamma proposes a more ambitious goal: the legendary Figures on a Landscape, a five-star 10b face climb in Joshua Tree National Park. They discuss the allure and challenge of the climb, which would require a significant investment in gear and a van. Tamma suggests using Dan's college fund to finance their dream, and Dan, moved by her enthusiasm and hope, begins to consider the possibility seriously.

On the day before Thanksgiving, Dan and Tamma head to the Fingerbang Princess boulder, undeterred by the suboptimal conditions. Tamma, brimming with excitement, shares her vision of a climbing competition in Los Angeles, seeing it as a stepping stone to greater achievements and a chance to establish their names in the climbing world. Initially hesitant, Dan is gradually inspired by Tamma's enthusiasm and the prospect of leaving a lasting legacy in climbing.

As they approach the boulder, the air grows tense with the discovery of signs of a recent accident—torn gloves, gauze, and bloodstains. Tamma finds a strand of hair on her shoe, heightening the eerie atmosphere. Despite the ominous signs, Dan decides to attempt the climb. He methodically works his way up the boulder, each move a blend of panic and determination. Tamma cheers him on, her voice a mix of encouragement and nervousness.

Dan reaches the psychological crux of the climb, a moment where the fear of falling is most intense. He must trust his weight to a tiny, precarious hold. Closing his eyes briefly, he commits fully to the move and successfully summits the Fingerbang Princess. Standing atop the boulder, Dan experiences a profound moment of clarity and purpose, realizing that climbing is his true calling. He feels a renewed sense of hope and possibility, believing that their dreams might be within reach.

Dan walks home alone, his mind heavy with thoughts of Tamma's struggles at the Fingerbang Princess. He notices a decline in her performance and begins to question whether she is truly committed to climbing or if she is just losing steam. This uncertainty creates a sense of unease and a growing rift between them, as Dan realizes the importance of the climb for Tamma's future and his own beliefs in her potential.

At home, Dan finds Alexandra in the kitchen, and they engage in a rare, heartfelt conversation. Alexandra shares memories of her childhood, including her father's unconventional reading of The Hobbit and her own aspirations to become a writer. She speaks candidly about the challenges and sacrifices that came with her success, warning Dan about the pitfalls of fame and the importance of having a support system. Alexandra also reveals that Tamma's mother, Kendra, once possessed a brilliant and charismatic personality, contrasting sharply with her current state.

Alexandra's advice resonates deeply with Dan, who grapples with his own decisions and the pressure to choose a stable path. After the conversation, Dan checks a climbing forum and discovers a post about a fatal accident at the Fingerbang Princess. The details of the incident, involving an accomplished climber who fell and died, shock and disturb him. Dan is left questioning his faith in Tamma and the risks they take, pondering the broader implications of their choices and the inherent dangers of their passion.

Dan and Tamma return to the Fingerbang Princess boulder, eight days after Dan's successful ascent. Tamma's attempts are fraught with frustration and injury, culminating in a severe fall that leaves her bleeding and emotionally distraught. Seated on a tire, Tamma rolls a spliff and delves into a vivid and emotional recounting of her and Dan's mothers' intertwined pasts, highlighting the stark contrasts in their lives and the failures that have shaped them.

Tamma's monologue touches on the complex dynamics between Alexandra and Kendra, from their initial friendship and shared dreams to the betrayals and hardships that led to their estrangement. She reflects on the challenges her mother faced, including poverty, abuse, and the burden of raising children alone, while Alexandra achieved literary success. Her raw honesty and deep-seated fears about her own future are revealed, showing her determination to avoid the same fate as her mother.

Despite her injuries and the emotional toll, Tamma convinces Dan to support her one last attempt at the boulder. With renewed resolve, Tamma approaches the climb with a calm and focused demeanor, executing each move with precision. She successfully summits the Fingerbang Princess, achieving a clean and powerful send. The moment of triumph is followed by an intense release of emotion, as Tamma screams and shakes with joy, embracing Dan in a moment of mutual celebration and relief.

The chapter concludes with Tamma's realization that her success is a testament to hard work, determination, and belief. She feels empowered and confident, knowing that she can overcome seemingly impossible challenges through persistence and unwavering commitment. This victory solidifies her and Dan's bond, reinforcing their shared vision of a future defined by their own terms and ambitions.

Dan sits on his bed, warming his hands and preparing for a rigorous workout routine, his mind still heavy with the weight of Tamma's emotional revelations from the previous day. He performs a series of exercises, including pull-ups and kettlebell get-ups, driven by his determination to pursue their climbing dreams and the need to confront the more challenging climbs in the park. After his workout, Dan heads to the kitchen for breakfast, where he finds Alexandra, his mother, sitting against the wall, smoking a cigarette and working on financial calculations.

Alexandra shares with Dan the dire state of her health, revealing that her pig valve is failing and that she cannot undergo another surgery due to the risks involved. She expresses her fear of dying and the importance of ensuring that Dan's college fund remains intact. Alexandra and Dan discuss the possibility of transferring the money to a separate account in Dan's name to protect it from potential financial collapse. Alexandra promises to take Dan to the bank in two weeks to set this up, emphasizing the importance of securing his future.

Feeling the weight of this conversation, Dan prepares to leave for the day, hoping Tamma will be waiting for him. Just then, Tamma appears, performing a daring and playful stunt on the split rail fence. She cartwheels over the post and almost falls, prompting Dan to rush to catch her, a moment that underscores their deep bond and the adventurous spirit they share.

Tamma, on the way to school with Dan, spots climbers at a gas station, reigniting her passion for the next big project, Figures on a Landscape. Despite Dan's concerns about the lack of gear and funds, Tamma's resolve is unshaken, quoting Lynn Hill's philosophy about finding footholds where they are needed. Later, Tamma overhears a teacher's critical remarks, which only strengthens her determination to succeed. After school, Tamma is bombarded with missed calls and messages, revealing that River, her nephew, has been injured and is in the hospital. Her brother Colin informs her that she must take care of the children, as Brad, the caregiver, has vanished. Tamma rushes to her sister's house, where she finds Hunter and Samantha in a chaotic state. Despite her inexperience, Tamma takes charge, soothing Samantha and managing the situation with patience and determination.

Tamma spends a challenging day looking after Hunter and Samantha, navigating the chaos of a messy house and the children's erratic behavior. She makes mac and cheese and other simple meals, cleans up the living room, and tries to soothe Samantha, who is upset and crying frequently. Hunter's resistance to eating the food she prepares and his aggressive behavior escalate, leading to a tense confrontation where he threatens Tamma, causing her to retreat to the laundry room with Samantha. Despite the overwhelming situation, Tamma remains determined to handle the responsibilities. She apologizes to Hunter, makes ramen as he requested, and manages to get both children to bed. Later, she messages Dan, discussing the possibility of driving into the park to continue their climbing, now that they have found a way to access a vehicle. Sierra calls, revealing that River is in the ICU with severe injuries, and Tamma listens to Sierra's breakdown, offering support and reassurance despite her own exhaustion and the immediate challenges she faces. The next morning, Tamma successfully manages breakfast and getting Hunter to the bus stop. Later, she discovers a dumpster with valuable climbing gear, including an old wooden hangboard, which she retrieves, seeing it as a significant opportunity to advance her climbing skills.

Tamma wakes up early, still reeling from the chaotic day with Hunter and Samantha. She prepares to leave for the park with Dan, despite the lingering tension at home. A tense conversation with her brother Colin, who is worried about their mother's situation, adds to her stress. Tamma reassures him and sets off to meet Dan, who is waiting in the car.

On the drive to the park, they discuss the upcoming competition and their feelings about Paisley Cuthers, a privileged climber who embodies everything they struggle to achieve. Dan reveals that Alexandra's heart valve is failing, and she has decided not to undergo surgery, a decision that deeply concerns Tamma.

They arrive at Intersection Rock and begin preparing to climb a challenging route for the first time. Tamma takes the lead, placing gear and navigating the difficult terrain, while Dan belays from below. The climb is physically and mentally demanding, testing their skills and resolve.

Midway through the climb, Tamma discovers a loose bolt, adding to the danger. She must decide whether to continue to the summit or retreat. Despite the risks, she chooses to push forward, embodying the grit and determination that define their climbing philosophy. The chapter ends with Tamma deep in the runout, committed to reaching the summit.

A poignant memory of Tamma and Dan as children, captured in a photograph taken in the desert, sets the tone for the chapter. Tamma recalls her early childhood, marked by traumatic events such as being thrown against a wall by her father and being hit with a piece of kindling. These experiences, along with her confrontational nature, have shaped her into a resilient but often misunderstood individual.

In school, Tamma's outspokenness leads to a violent confrontation with Todd, a classmate who bullies her. After Todd hits her and she falls, Dan intervenes, defending her and earning her deep gratitude. This moment of solidarity reinforces their bond and highlights the theme of friendship and mutual support.

Later, Tamma and Dan return to Intersection Rock, a challenging route. Tamma faces a critical moment where a loose bolt fails, causing her to fall. Despite the danger, she remains determined and climbs the route again, successfully reaching the summit. At the top, she reflects on their journey and their shared dreams, symbolized by a crushed cupcake she carries for Dan's birthday. They sit together, eating the cupcake and marveling at their accomplishment, reaffirming their commitment to each other and their future adventures.

Without Tamma around, the house feels cold and empty. Dan spends his days alone, working on his college applications and adhering to his rigorous exercise routine. Lawrence, Dan's father, returns home each evening, sighing deeply and burying himself in books, which adds to the house's somber and isolated ambiance.

Dan's loneliness deepens, and he frequently texts Tamma, discussing potential climbing routes and their plans. Tamma responds late at night, suggesting routes and demonstrating her unwavering determination to continue their climbing goals. Dan's interactions with his father are strained, and he feels the weight of his mother's declining health and the importance of his future. He delves into research about his mother's past, uncovering her remarkable journey and the challenges she faced, which deepens his admiration and concern for her.

During a meeting with the guidance counselor, Dan discusses his college application. The counselor praises Dan's personal statement but advises him to change the title of the climb from 'Fingerbang Princess' to something more politically correct. Dan debates the issue, arguing for the historical and cultural significance of the original name. Despite his resistance, he agrees to rename the climb 'Better Bold Than Pretty' to avoid offending the admissions committee. The counselor emphasizes the importance of presenting a responsible image, which Dan reluctantly accepts.

Tamma, visibly exhausted from the demands of caring for River and Samantha, finds moments of profound connection and love with River, which shift her perspective on success and the value of simple, everyday acts of care. Despite the overwhelming responsibilities, she and Dan decide to spend their winter break climbing in the park, driven by their shared passion and the need to escape the pressures at home. During their drive, Tamma poses philosophical questions about courage and responsibility, reflecting on the moral implications of fear and the choices people make in the face of adversity. Dan responds with a more pragmatic view, emphasizing that courage is a skill that can be practiced, but acknowledges the complexity of Tamma's questions.

Back at home, Dan has a tense conversation with Alexandra, who expresses deep resentment and regret about her own life choices and the opportunities she believes Dan is squandering. Alexandra's anger and frustration reveal her feelings of isolation and the sacrifices she made, which have left her bitter and disillusioned. Dan, feeling the weight of his mother's expectations and his own inner turmoil, struggles to reconcile his mother's harsh words with his own desires and fears.

Meanwhile, Tamma continues to care for the children, finding solace and purpose in the routine of bedtime rituals. Despite the challenges and the looming uncertainty about River's development, Tamma draws strength from her admiration for strong climbers and her own resilience. She resolves to be a source of joy and hope, even in the face of overwhelming difficulties.

Tamma begins her day by comforting River, the baby, with playful nicknames and tender care. She then manages the household, preparing breakfast and getting Hunter ready for school, all while maintaining a cheerful and energetic demeanor. Dan arrives and helps with the chores, and the two of them set off for a day of climbing in the park.

During their drive, Tamma sleeps, and just before they arrive, she quickly changes into her climbing gear. They spend the day tackling various challenging routes, including Taxman, Overseer, and White Lightning. Tamma and Dan push each other to their limits, with Tamma displaying her unique and bold climbing style, and Dan demonstrating his strength and precision. The day is filled with moments of camaraderie, laughter, and mutual support.

Their climbing prowess attracts attention, and they encounter an Englishwoman who asks for directions and engages in a humorous conversation about famous climbers. Tamma's enthusiasm and knowledge of the climbing community shine through, though her rapid-fire questions and analogies confuse the woman. Dan leads on Rubicon, a particularly tough route, and both climbers are left with battered hands and aching muscles by the end of the day.

In the evening, Dan drives Tamma back to Sierra’s house, where she often dreams of holding River, waking in a panic until Dan reassures her. Despite the physical toll of the day, Tamma spends the evening caring for the children, singing lullabies and providing comfort, especially to Samantha and River.

Dan and Tamma sit up late on Christmas Eve, sharing stories and smoking, their excitement building for the next day’s climb on Figures on a Landscape. Tamma’s enthusiasm is infectious as she talks about their future plans, including interactions with the renowned climber Brittany Goris. Dan mentions his simple Christmas plans, which include a quiet breakfast with his father, Lawrence, and a possible visit from Alexandra, who is expected to transfer his college fund soon.

As Dan rises to fetch a glass of water, he stumbles in the dark and finds Alexandra lying unconscious on the kitchen floor. Tamma quickly dials 911, and Dan tries to keep Alexandra conscious, but she is unresponsive and gasping for air. Lawrence, awakened by the commotion, rushes out and is devastated to see Alexandra in such a critical state. The dispatcher struggles to locate their address, causing a delay in the ambulance’s arrival. The family is left in a tense and helpless situation, with Lawrence holding Alexandra’s hand and Dan trying to keep her upright. Tamma provides the dispatcher with detailed directions, but Alexandra’s condition continues to deteriorate. The chapter ends with the family waiting anxiously for the ambulance, the gravity of the situation weighing heavily on them.

Paramedics rush to stabilize Alexandra, found unconscious on the kitchen floor. They administer medication and quickly transport her to the medical center, where Lawrence, Dan, and Tamma follow in the truck, offering each other emotional support. At the medical center, they learn that Alexandra is in severe heart failure and will be airlifted to San Bernardino for surgery.

At the hospital in San Bernardino, Dan, Lawrence, and Tamma wait anxiously. Nurse Sophie updates them on Alexandra's critical condition, explaining that she is intubated and in intensive care. Dr. Todd, a cardiovascular surgeon, arrives to explain the high risks of the surgery, including complications like bleeding, infection, and potential organ failure. Despite Dan's silent doubts, Lawrence decides to proceed with the surgery, believing Alexandra would want to fight for her life.

Dan is overwhelmed with guilt and regret, reflecting on how they failed to notice Alexandra's deteriorating health. He feels a deep sense of responsibility and the weight of the decision to proceed with the risky surgery. The chapter ends with the family preparing to sign the consent forms, highlighting the tension and uncertainty surrounding Alexandra's fate.

In the sterile waiting room of the hospital, Dan, Lawrence, and Tamma sit in tense silence, their eyes fixed on the door through which Dr. Todd will emerge. After more than seven grueling hours, the surgeon finally appears, his face grave. He delivers the devastating news: Alexandra's surgery was not successful. Despite replacing the failing valve, her advanced heart failure has left her dependent on the ECMO machine, and her sternum remains unclosed due to internal swelling. The family is granted a brief visit to the ICU, where Alexandra lies intubated and surrounded by a forest of medical equipment.

As Tamma receives a call and learns she must return home to care for Sierra's children, Dan drives her back, both of them lost in their thoughts. Tamma's silence speaks volumes, reflecting the weight of her responsibilities and the gravity of the situation. After dropping her off, Dan returns to the hospital, his mind reeling from the day's events. He contemplates the risks they took in their climbing and the stark reality of death, recognizing the divide in their backgrounds and the different stakes they faced.

Driving back to San Bernardino, Dan reflects on the illusion of glory and meaning he once sought in climbing, now shattered by the harsh realities of the world. He understands that the world is a place of suffering and loss, devoid of the numinous edge he once believed in. Dan's realization is a profound moment of growth and a turning point in his relationship with Tamma and his understanding of their shared and divergent experiences.

Still reeling from the previous night's events at the hospital, Tamma starts her day with a confrontational breakfast with Hyrum, who suggests she get a job picking weed in Humboldt. Feeling the weight of her responsibilities and the challenges ahead, Tamma pours her cereal back into the bowl and spits it out, causing a commotion. Her mother, Kendra, demands that Tamma watch the kids while Sierra works a 19L shift, despite Tamma's protests and her promise to Dan to be with him at the hospital.

Feeling overwhelmed, Tamma considers the possibility of giving up on her climbing dreams. She decides to buy a bouldering pad from a stranger in town, despite the risks. The interaction reveals the disparity between Tamma's life and the privileged world of the man selling the pad. Tamma's determination is evident as she stands up to the man's skepticism and proves her climbing prowess.

Back at school, Tamma reunites with Dan, and they share a brief moment of connection before class. After school, Tamma returns to Sierra's house, finding Samantha playing with a knife and Sierra asleep. Tamma takes River to a pediatrician appointment, where the doctor dismisses their concerns about River's severe diaper rash and frequent diarrhea, attributing it to normal infant behavior. Tamma feels increasingly isolated and unsure of her ability to care for River.

At home, Tamma seeks advice from her mother about River's condition, but Kendra and Hyrum offer unhelpful and dismissive suggestions. Kendra demands that Tamma get a job, further straining their relationship. Tamma, feeling the pressure of her responsibilities and the uncertainty of her future, reflects on the challenges she faces and the importance of her climbing dreams.

Dan spends long, quiet days at the hospital with his father, Lawrence, while Alexandra remains in critical condition. The sterile environment, the constant beeping of machines, and the cold, empty atmosphere weigh heavily on Dan, who finds solace in brief moments of normalcy, like eating tater tots with his father in the hospital cafeteria. A nurse, Sophie, offers a brutally honest assessment of Alexandra's chances, explaining that the doctors are soft-pedaling the severity of her condition and the likelihood that she won't survive.

Dan's frustration and helplessness grow as he navigates the bureaucracy of the hospital and the emotional toll of waiting. Seeking a respite, he visits a bookstore and unexpectedly finds his mother's books on the shelves, which brings a mix of pride and sorrow. Back at the hospital, Dan pushes Lawrence to complete the necessary paperwork to transfer Alexandra's college fund into Dan's name, a task that Lawrence, consumed by grief, struggles to complete. Dan also confronts the looming deadline for his FAFSA application, which Lawrence is unable to assist with, forcing Dan to take matters into his own hands.

Dan's determination to secure his future and honor his mother's wishes leads him to take a scanner from Best Buy and spend the night scanning and organizing Alexandra's old documents, including her tax returns and personal writings. He drafts and submits his college application, choosing to retain the original name of the climbing route, 'Fingerbang Princess,' despite his counselor's advice. The chapter ends with Dan reflecting on the world and his place in it, questioning the notion of strength and the value of integrity.

Tamma, dressed in a muscle shirt and Dan’s jeans, sits in an office where she interviews for a job at a checkout lane. Despite the manager's skepticism about her climbing dreams, Tamma remains undeterred, emphasizing her willingness to work hard and pursue her passion. She is offered the job and starts working after school, which leaves her with limited time for climbing, but she still manages to wake up early to hangboard and sneak in climbing sessions before class.

Mornings are a blur of early bus rides to the park, where Tamma climbs boulders and films herself. She keeps her progress with the Fingerbang Princess a secret from Dan, planning to surprise him. In class, she rewatches her climbing videos and pens notes, missing Dan deeply and feeling the weight of her responsibilities without his support. The nights are spent with the baby monitors, and she often texts Dan, expressing her thoughts and the challenges she faces.

At home, Tamma faces a confrontational dinner with Hyrum, who accuses her of stealing weed and money from Colin’s college fund. Despite her protests, Hyrum and Kendra force her to admit to the theft, leading to a tense and emotionally charged confrontation. Kendra withdraws into her bedroom, devastated, while Hyrum warns Tamma about her behavior. Tamma’s relationship with her family is strained, and she feels increasingly isolated and misunderstood.

In the sterile, isolating environment of the hospital, Dan spends his days reading and enduring the monotony with his father. Overwhelmed by grief over Alexandra's condition, Dan finds it difficult to connect with Tamma or even respond to her messages. His sense of dislocation and numbness grows, making it hard to muster the energy to reach out or engage with the world around him.

Seeking answers about his mother's past, Dan decides to visit Tamma's home. There, he encounters Kendra, who recounts the strained relationship between her and Alexandra. Kendra describes a pivotal moment when Alexandra returned from a book tour, expressing her resentment and frustration over her own unfulfilled dreams, leading to a bitter confrontation. Dan reflects on the complexities of their friendship and the deep-seated fears and insecurities that drove their actions.

Kendra's account provides Dan with a new perspective on the dynamics between Alexandra and Kendra, revealing the underlying tensions and unspoken emotions that have shaped their lives. He realizes that Alexandra's reaction to Kendra's confession was rooted in her own fears and insecurities, and that their friendship was fractured by unaddressed pain and jealousy. This realization deepens Dan's understanding of the fragility of human connections and the impact of unresolved conflicts.

Returning to the hospital, Dan sits vigilantly by Alexandra's bedside. A glimmer of hope flickers within him when he sees her eye open slightly. Despite the mechanical and clinical environment, Dan clings to the belief that Alexandra will recover and that their family can find a way forward. Lawrence, asleep beside him, remains unaware of this moment, but Dan is filled with a mixture of hope and dread.

Still reeling from her recent mistakes and the daunting challenge ahead, Tamma wakes up early, her mind racing with fear and uncertainty. A message from Dan, informing her of Alexandra's slight improvement, provides a glimmer of hope. Despite her reservations, she decides to attend the climbing competition in Los Angeles, driven by a fierce determination to prove herself.

Hitchhiking to the competition, Tamma meets Father McNamara, a kind-hearted Catholic priest who offers her a ride. Upon arriving at the gym, she goes through the isolation process and is assigned bib #69. As she waits for her turn, the professionalism and confidence of the other competitors, particularly the renowned climber Paisley Cuthers, overwhelm her. Feeling out of place and doubting her abilities, Tamma's resolve is bolstered by her admiration for Paisley and her own deep-seated dreams of success.

Tamma and Paisley strike up a conversation, and Tamma shares her background, including her struggles with gear, finances, and her unconventional approach to climbing. Despite their different paths, they form a mutual respect and admiration. Paisley's encouragement and Tamma's own determination to succeed create a bond that strengthens Tamma's resolve.

Eight hours into the qualifiers, the gym begins to quiet down as most spectators leave. Feeling the pressure and isolation, Tamma takes a moment to compose herself in the bathroom before heading to the bouldering area to warm up. The competition wall, with its steep overhangs and challenging holds, presents a stark contrast to the natural climbs she is used to, and Tamma struggles to adapt to the artificial environment.

When Tamma is called to compete, she faces her first route, a steep overhang with large slopers. Despite her initial hesitation, she successfully reaches the zone and even touches the finish hold, though she cannot secure it. Overwhelmed by the intensity, Tamma retreats to the bathroom and vomits but returns to face her next challenge, a vertical wall with a pink, slopey start hold. After several failed attempts, she finally sticks the zone and reaches the finish hold, much to the crowd's surprise and applause.

Tamma's performance on the final boulder problem, a hand-crack problem, is particularly impressive. Despite the unusual nature of the problem, she executes the moves flawlessly, reaching the zone and the finish hold with ease. The small but enthusiastic crowd erupts in cheers as Tamma completes the onsight, a significant achievement for her.

Tamma steps down from the mats, still buzzing from her successful performance, when Paisley rushes over to congratulate her. Paisley excitedly reveals that Tamma has qualified for the semifinals, and the two jump up and down in celebration. In her exuberance, Paisley introduces Tamma to her parents, Stella and Kerry, who are equally impressed by Tamma's climbing style and movement.

Later, Tamma joins the Cutherses for dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Stella provides detailed feedback on Tamma's performance, helping her understand the technical aspects of competition climbing. The supportive and educational environment created by Paisley's enthusiasm and the Cutherses' genuine interest boosts Tamma's confidence. However, the evening takes a turn when Paisley insists on buying Tamma new climbing shoes and a rope. Tamma refuses, feeling a deep sense of pride and fear of exposing her financial struggles.

After dinner, Tamma excuses herself and returns to the climbing gym alone, where she sleeps on a cardboard box near the loading docks. She reflects on the missed calls and messages from her mother, Kendra, who is angry and worried about Tamma's disappearance. Tamma feels a mix of guilt and frustration, unsure why Kendra cares so much. She texts Dan, sharing her excitement about making it to the semifinals, and is reassured by his supportive response, which helps her feel less alone and more confident.

Feeling extremely nervous and physically drained, Tamma returns to the isolation area before the semifinals. She has a brief conversation with Paisley, who is equally anxious, and they both acknowledge the intense pressure of the competition. A male competitor, noticing Tamma's struggle, helps her into her new, tight-fitting climbing shoes. Surrounded by a packed and noisy gym, Tamma waits for her turn.

When Tamma's turn arrives, she realizes she hasn't peed and is desperate to go. Despite this, she starts her climb on a slab route, which suits her style. She executes the climb flawlessly, reaching the finish hold and receiving a thumbs-up from the judges. However, she fails on the subsequent routes, including a challenging cave and an overhung problem, resulting in a partial tear of her A2 pulley ligament.

Paisley finds Tamma after her fall and comforts her, examining her injured finger and explaining the necessary rehabilitation steps. Paisley and her parents, Stella and Kerry, encourage Tamma, praising her talent and potential. Stella shares her insights about the competitive climbing world and the importance of enjoying the process rather than fixating on podium finishes. Tamma reflects on her unrealistic expectations and the true meaning of her climbing journey.

Alexandra is finally discharged from the hospital and returns home, but her recovery is slow and uncertain. Dan, feeling a mix of hope and despair, struggles with his own mental health and the pressure of his future decisions. He finds it difficult to engage with Tamma, who is also recovering from her climbing injury and dealing with her own family issues.

At school, Dan and Tamma have a heartfelt conversation. Dan expresses his doubts about their climbing dreams and the value of their achievements. Tamma, though hesitant, agrees to attempt Figures on a Landscape with Dan, provided she has time to rehabilitate her injured finger. Dan, however, is torn between his climbing aspirations and the practicalities of his college acceptance and the expectations of his family.

Dan's internal conflict deepens as he grapples with the futility of his efforts, symbolized by the image of a bucket with a hole, which represents his struggle with depression. He feels isolated and angry at the world's apparent hopelessness, especially when Tamma shares a whimsical message about a manatee dream. Dan's frustration with the counselor's advice to prioritize the college scholarship over his friendship with Tamma further highlights his internal battle.

During a meeting with the guidance counselor, Dan articulates his doubts about the conventional path of college and a career, expressing a desire to pursue a life of climbing and exploration with Tamma. The counselor, while sympathetic, strongly advises Dan to reconsider, emphasizing the value of the scholarship and the potential for a brighter future. Dan leaves the meeting, still uncertain about his path but feeling a deep sense of responsibility and the weight of his decisions.

Three weeks after Alexandra's hospital discharge, she enters Dan's room and informs him that she is accepting a teaching position in Texas, starting in June. Dan is shocked and feels a deep sense of abandonment, struggling to understand why she is leaving and how it will affect their lives. Alexandra explains that the job is a necessity due to her financial situation and the lack of meaning she finds in her previous success as a novelist, emphasizing the emptiness and hollowness of her achievements. To comfort him, she adds that this move might bring a new purpose to her life.

Feeling desperate, Dan shows Alexandra his acceptance letters to college, hoping to gain her approval and acknowledgment. Alexandra is moved by his accomplishments and kisses him on the forehead before leaving. Lawrence returns home and helps Alexandra pack, and Dan says a tearful goodbye to his mother. After Alexandra departs, Lawrence and Dan go to get burgers, but Dan is left with a profound sense of loss and uncertainty about his future.

Later that night, Dan struggles with his thoughts and the decision to accept the college offer. Despite his deep reservations and the feeling that he is betraying his dreams, he ultimately accepts the offer and pays the nonrefundable deposit. The act leaves him feeling a deep sense of resignation and self-doubt, realizing he lacks the strength to follow his true desires and must conform to a predetermined path.

Dan wakes to the shrill ring of his alarm, a deep sense of despair settling over him as he thinks about Alexandra's departure. Unexpectedly, Tamma appears at his window, her energy and determination breaking through his fog of depression. She insists they go climbing, and her enthusiasm rouses him from his lethargy. They drive to the park, where Tamma guides Dan through various bouldering problems, offering encouragement and technical advice. Her support and belief in him reawaken his love for the sport.

After a day of climbing, Dan and Tamma return to Sierra’s house, where Tamma effortlessly takes over the household duties, caring for the children and managing the chaos. Sierra, returning from a night shift, expresses her gratitude and suggests that Tamma and Dan should go to the prom. Recognizing the sacrifices Tamma has made for the family, Sierra provides them with money for tickets. Tamma and Dan agree, touched by Sierra's generosity and support.

The chapter highlights the contrast between Tamma's strength and resilience in the face of overwhelming responsibilities and Dan's struggle with the loss of his mother. It also underscores the deep bond between Tamma and Dan, as well as the supportive and complex dynamics within Tamma's family.

Silence fills the air as Dan and Lawrence eat enchiladas, Dan's mind wandering back to his recent bouldering sessions with Tamma. Despite her injured finger, Tamma continues to push herself, sometimes rousing Dan in the middle of the night for impromptu climbs. Lawrence, noticing Dan's hesitation about the prom, offers him a suit from his wedding days and insists on buying Tamma a corsage, despite Dan's reservations.

On the day of the prom, Tamma arrives at Dan's house, dressed in a black dress and Chuck Taylors, visibly moved by the corsage Lawrence gives her. They discuss the ticket money, which Tamma admits she returned to Sierra, spending it on whiskey instead. Deciding to skip the prom, they drive to the park, where they drink whiskey and reflect on their past climbs and the Fingerbang Princess.

Tamma delivers a philosophical monologue about the true essence of climbing, emphasizing that the crux, not the summit, is what truly matters. She argues that chasing titles or guarantees is a mistake and that the real value lies in the attempt itself, regardless of the outcome. Dan, still hesitant, decides to pursue the Figures on a Landscape project, and Tamma, despite her reservations, agrees to join him.

After a night of drinking and reflecting on their past climbs, Tamma and Dan arrive at Tamma's house. The atmosphere is tense as Tamma stumbles inside, and she is immediately confronted by Colin, Hyrum, and Kendra, who are seated at the table. Hyrum and Kendra waste no time in questioning Tamma about her absence and her responsibilities to her family, particularly her brother, Colin.

Kendra and Hyrum reveal that Colin has gotten into serious trouble with a girl named Jenny Armstrong, who claims that Colin forced her to perform a sexual act. Colin vehemently denies the accusation, insisting that the incident was consensual until a video of the act surfaced, leading to Jenny's father pressing charges. Tamma is shocked and overwhelmed, feeling a deep sense of guilt for not being there for her brother. Kendra's accusations and emotional outburst exacerbate Tamma's distress, and she retreats to the bathroom to vomit, feeling the weight of the situation.

Tamma returns to the hallway, where Kendra continues to blame her for Colin's troubles, accusing her of being selfish and uncaring. Despite her own pain and confusion, Tamma tries to understand and offer help, but Kendra's anger and disappointment are too much to bear. The chapter ends with Tamma sitting on the bathroom floor, taking ibuprofen and holding her temples, feeling the full weight of the family's expectations and her own inability to meet them.

Still reeling from the family turmoil, Dan spends a lonely Monday reflecting on the upcoming attempt on Figures on a Landscape. The climb, while less daunting than their previous challenges, carries significant weight. He contemplates the deeper issues surrounding their decision to pursue this climb, considering the impact it could have on his and Tamma's futures, especially given the recent family troubles and his own struggles with depression.

That night, Dan is restless and unable to sleep, envisioning the climb and feeling a mix of fear and determination. He decides that Figures will be his marker, a test that will determine whether he is truly a climber. He wakes early, prepares for the climb, and waits for Tamma, who eventually arrives, breathless and disheveled after sleeping through her alarm. Despite her tardiness, Dan is relieved to see her, and they set off together, sharing a moment of silent understanding and camaraderie.

The drive to the park is filled with a sense of anticipation and the familiar, exhilarating fear that accompanies their climbing adventures. They park and begin their approach, walking through the desert landscape, which is described in vivid detail. The moment is poignantly symbolic, as they leave behind their respective burdens and enter a world that belongs solely to them. Dan reflects on their separation during the winter break, recognizing how their lives would be empty without each other, and feels a renewed sense of purpose and connection.

Arriving at North Astrodome, Dan and Tamma prepare to tackle the challenging Figures on a Landscape route. Dan begins the climb, starting with a long traverse to the right, then ascending straight up to the patina shield, and finally diagonalizing up and left. The climb is technically demanding, with Dan pushing himself to the limit of his abilities, clipping bolts and finding precarious holds in the warm, textured granite.

Belaying from the pillar below, Tamma realizes a critical mistake in their setup. If Dan falls, she will be dragged off the pillar and swung out into open space. Despite this, she remains focused and supportive, paying out the rope and encouraging Dan. Dan continues the traverse, reaching a critical point where the next move is particularly insecure and greasy. He hesitates, feeling the weight of the climb and his fear, but ultimately makes the move and loses his grip, falling out into the air.

The chapter captures the intense physical and emotional strain of the climb, the deep bond between Dan and Tamma, and the high stakes of their adventure. It highlights the technical challenges of the route and the mental fortitude required to push through fear and uncertainty.

Tamma watches Dan as he labors on the Figures on a Landscape route, traversing the granite wall with the rope trailing down to her. The day is clear, with birds flying overhead, and Tamma feels a mix of tension and support as Dan searches for holds near the anchors. Suddenly, Dan loses his grip and falls, and Tamma quickly tries to manage the slack in the rope, but the force of the fall is too great. She is dragged off the pillar, spinning into open space.

As Tamma falls, she hears a strange, eerie crackling noise. She looks down and sees the rope sheath splitting open, exposing the core strands that are stretching and breaking under the tension. Desperately, she tries to catch the lashing rope, but it slips through her hands, causing her to fall faster. The rope snaps completely, and Tamma plummets to the ground, hitting the granite face-first. Dazed and covered in dead needles, she props herself up and watches in horror as Dan crashes into the ground beside her, the broken rope lying beside him.

Lying injured on the ground after their catastrophic fall, Tamma quickly assesses Dan's condition, finding a pulse and a broken leg. Realizing the rope has snapped, she understands they are stranded in the desert with no immediate help. Despite her own injuries, Tamma fashions a makeshift splint from the backpack frame and convinces Dan to try walking, despite the severe pain. They make slow, agonizing progress, with Tamma supporting Dan's weight and encouraging him with a bizarre, rambling story to keep him conscious. The heat and their injuries make the journey excruciating, and Tamma must repeatedly wake Dan from unconsciousness. Eventually, they reach the truck parked at the base of the climb. Tamma helps Dan into the passenger seat, determined to get him to a hospital. The chapter ends with Tamma’s resolve, 'And Dreamy McGee, is going to the hospital!'

Crutched and dressed in cheap black robes, Dan attends his high school graduation ceremony, sitting in a folding chair. Tamma is notably absent, and Dan is helped into a wheelchair by his father after receiving his diploma. The chapter delves into Dan's hospital stay, where he recovers from a severe fall that resulted in multiple injuries, including a broken leg with thirty bone fragments, a punctured lung, and a closed head injury. Quina, a nurse with a keen interest in athletics, provides detailed explanations of his injuries and the reasons for his transfer to San Bernardino for specialized care.

Dan reflects on the fall, trying to piece together the events leading up to the accident. He learns that Tamma was interviewed for a debrief, and he hopes it was with Naomi, though he remains uncertain. The surgeon, a small but well-built man, reassures Dan that his injuries, while serious, are survivable, and that he has a new lease on life. Dan's father, Lawrence, supports him through his recovery, and Dan struggles with insomnia, often experiencing nightmares of falling.

On the night after graduation, Dan drives to Tamma's house, where he finds her sitting on the steps, caring for Samantha, who is teething. Tamma reveals that she was too afraid to visit Dan in the hospital, feeling responsible for the accident. Dan and Tamma have a heartfelt conversation, with Dan expressing his fear and Tamma admitting her insecurities. Dan reveals that he has accepted a full scholarship to a liberal arts school in the Pacific Northwest, and he offers Tamma Alexandra's college fund, amounting to $12,500, to support her own dreams. Tamma initially refuses but eventually accepts the check, moved by Dan's gesture.

Tamma receives independent study packets for her diploma but discards them in the dumpster, indicating her disinterest in completing her education. Later, she visits the bank to cash a check, dressed provocatively, and spends the day working at Target and commuting. Upon returning to Sierra’s house, she notices a strange car in the driveway and learns it’s a gift from Sierra, a token of gratitude for her unwavering support during a difficult year.

Sierra shares the news that River has learned to turn over, a significant milestone that brings joy and relief to both sisters. She also reveals her promotion to nurse manager, which will allow for more regular hours and potentially afford daycare for the children. Despite the positive developments, Tamma feels conflicted about accepting the car, citing her fear of leaving and the ongoing responsibilities of caring for the children.

Throughout the summer, Tamma continues to work at Target and manage the household, dedicating herself to the care of the children and the maintenance of the home. She makes significant improvements, including painting the nursery and solving River’s health issues by changing his formula. Despite the challenges, Tamma finds a sense of purpose in her role as a caregiver and begins to question whether this life could be enough for her.

The chapter concludes with a tense visit from Kendra, Hyrum, and Colin. They demand that Tamma repay the money she allegedly stole, threatening legal action against Colin for his involvement in a sexual misconduct case. Tamma refuses to comply, leading to a heated argument and the visitors’ departure. Left to console the crying babies, Tamma reaffirms her commitment to their well-being.

Crutches in hand, Dan shuffles through Portland International Airport (PDX), feeling a world away from home. He collects his oversized olive drab duffel from the baggage claim, declining assistance from a sympathetic traveler, and boards a shuttle to the university. On the bus, he watches other students mingle, but he remains isolated, overwhelmed by the new environment.

Stepping out onto the curb at the university, Dan takes in the picturesque campus with its stone fountain, brick walls, and Gothic buildings. Despite the nearly empty campus, he feels disoriented and uncertain. He crutches across the quad, his armpits aching and his jeans sticking to his skin, as he searches for his dorm. A passing woman remarks on the best years of his life, but her words only deepen his sense of disconnection.

In a vivid hallucination, Dan is transported back to the desert, where Tamma helps him navigate the challenging terrain. Her strong and unsteady presence contrasts sharply with the sterile, unfamiliar surroundings of the campus. He can almost hear her voice and smell her scent, but the vision fades, leaving him alone on the quad, grounded in the reality of his new life.

Tamma sits up on the couch in the early hours of the morning, alone and in the dark, feeling a deep sense of despair. Her phone has no service, cutting her off from the world. Determined to take action, she wakes Sierra and leaves the baby monitors with her, then dresses and drives away, a mix of fear and determination coursing through her.

Tamma drives aimlessly, checking her phone compulsively, and eventually stops at a bank to check her account balance. She discovers that her account is empty, leaving her with only a full tank of gas and forty dollars in cash. Reflecting on her situation, Tamma feels a deep sense of failure and regret, but she also realizes that she must not give up. She thinks about the climbers who have inspired her, like Jane Sasaki, and decides to face her fears and move forward.

Tamma closes her bank account and drives into the desert, stopping on the side of the road to reflect on her choices. She considers the responsibilities she has at home and the freedom that awaits her in the park. She remembers her father's abandonment and the pain it caused, but she also thinks about Dan and the lessons he has taught her. Tamma decides that she will not run away from her responsibilities and resolves to take care of the children while pursuing her climbing dreams with renewed determination.